autumn nights

i've had these sort of panic attacks... it's just like in the movies, you jump up in the middle of the night and have this sense of pure fear. i've had even 5 to 10 wake ups at some nights.

i have simplified my life in the fear of loosing my mind. less of hanging in the bars, not too much tv or internet. for the first time in two years or so i've started reading novels. i couldn't stand novels at some point, i just read biographies, history books and all kind of educative books. now i've read 3 books in 1 week: steinbecks the pearl, jevtushenkos fuku and hemingways the old man and the sea. reading a short book is like watching a film, only more relaxing.

besides reading, autumn is good for listening to some atmospheric music. i dare you to try some black metal, such as burzum, the churchburner. and for the balance, listen to some christian weirdoes: paavoharju had a great gig in tavastia-club last saturday. also i'm much waiting for the new album of sami kukka.